I Never Promised You A Rose Garden
by Callace
Summary: Character studies of the scoobie demons. Spike and Anya go through with their plan in Get it Done, to go drink together. Various drunk behavior follows... heavy doses of both Xanya and Spuffy. Title is spuffy-oriented


**I Never Promised You a Rose Garden**

Anya and Spike are walking down a dark alley together, while Anya is ranting. "I'm a bright girl. Good education, quick on the uptake. So why in the name of almighty Grothnar would I let myself become human again?"

_And that she's asking me? _Spike thinks _I'm really not the one to sympathize with the problems of being human. Got rid of them so long ago…_ _and_ _it's not like I ever had the chance to make her choice, to undo it… _"you're really talking to the wrong fella"

But she goes on… "I mean… sure the vengeance demon gig has its downsides…" _ahhh… could she please stop complaining?? _"all jobs do." "but being human? Urgh…" _So much whining! Doesn't she realize how lucky she is, just to be able to choose? And wasn't this what she wanted?_ "…you're always icky on the inside, and disgusting on the outside" _now, at least that last bit isn't true… _he looks her up and down, and smiles "your outside's not so bad" She looks down, and smiles shyly, gives him a grateful look… and changes topic.

"The only thing worse than being human, is being trapped inside a house full of humans" _now there_ _she has a point. Well, some sort of. Could still do without the whining! _"preaching to the choir, love" Anya keeps getting steadily more exasperated. Spike looks around in search of a more rewarding topic of conversation, while she continues "I swear, if Buffy rooms or boards one more of the potential girls I'm gonna call a… I'm gonna call a health inspector!" _get your point, love! Being demons at Slayer Central could drive anyone crazy! But let's just drop it, ok? _"I like my plan better. Get up, get out, get drunk. Repeat as needed… It's just more elegant."

She gives one of those shy smiles again, and hook her arm into his. "Thanks for having me along" "don't mention it" _nice to have someone along. Not that much fun getting drunk on my own. And I really need that right now, now that Buffy is dating another guy. Argh! She did say I should find a date too, after all… _Anya gets this look in her face, like feeling vaguely uncomfortable about what she's about to say next. Then it comes, in characteristic blunt fashion "At first I thought "it's weird. Is Spike asking me out on a date?" cause that would just be…" _Oh, shit. Was this a bad idea? Does she feel bad about going out with me? "…_ nuts" _Hmm. at least awkward. And well, it sort of is… Ok. Operation cover up! _He laughs nervously, and hurries to state "right. I'm just out for the alcohol." "right there with you, scooter" Anya shoots in with refreshed enthusiasm, also clearly trying to cover up the awkward moment. "Tonight, I plan to drink you under the table!" _good. We're clear again._ "you're on then!"

"Good" but being Anya, she could of course not let it be with that. "but, of course, once you're down there, I could join you." _That Anya! So not holding back what it is she's going at. Doesn't she remember the last time we hooked up, all the mayhem that followed? Could she at least be a little less blunt about it all? "_ no, just kidding. I like my sex on top of the table!"

_clearly, she can't! Arrgh! What the hell does she think I am? Some always available sex toy?! No! Never again! And certainly not for her. A guy has some dignity! _He bows back and really let the frustration seethe into a biting request "Will you let it go! You're like a dog with a bone!" "So what?" _Arrgh! For a girl who's self declared quick on the uptake, she's remarkably slow on this. How much clearer does she need the "I do not want to have sex with _

_you?" _"well, it's my bone. Let go of it!" "ok. I wasn't proposing. Time goes by, a girl gets hungry. You should know. " _Is there anything that will make her let go of that bloody topic? _

_Aww, wonderful! What do I spy with my little eye? A demon? That would be… the kind of thing that qualifies as a distraction. _"Oh, thank God"" what?" "demon!" The demon throws Anya to the ground, and gives her the death sentence from D'Hoffryn, before Spike gives him enough blows to hold him back a little, grabs Anya and runs.

"Given the circumstances, with the price on your head or something, what do you say that we just pick up the booze at some store, and head back to Slayer Central with it?" Anya looks grumbled, and about to start complaining again, or perhaps give a scolding, so Spike decides to not let her "come on. It's just a slight alteration of the plan. "get in, get down, get drunk instead!"

They sit down on the bed in the basement with a glass each, and the liquor bottles on the floor in front of them. Anya keeps on rambling, on the "are we on a date?" topic. "Actually, I'm really proud that we are having a not-a-date. It's date fest 2003 out there already! And dates usually end badly. Especially such stupid dates as Xander's, a couple of days ago! I mean, can you believe him? Suddenly deciding to go out with some slutty demon!" Spike gives her a look and sarcasm "yeah, it's not like he ever done that before…like for the past few years…" "Heyy! That is so not the same thing! Ex-demon, remember?! And I never tried to kill him!"

Spike tilts his head, and gives her a knowing look." Now, that's not exactly accurate, is it? That was after all the background for the memorable event you been spending most of the night reminding me of. That you wanted me to make a wish that would make you able to kill him in a really gruesome way."

Anya looks down in embarrassment, aware that she has been busted. Then takes a deep sigh and shakes her head thoughtfully. "It all used to be so simple! My way with men was to maim and mangle. I got a wish, I got the job done. I was among the best there were. Create suppurating wounds in their private areas, or make their guts slowly cauterize, those were the easier ones. And then there were the more exciting challenges, like making them into bugs or caterpillars for the girls to step on and quash."

She smiles, and looks dreamingly into space. "aww. Those were the days. Then I'm forced to become human. I start caring about humans, and about guys. And then suddenly, I'm trapped in the same trap that I helped so many girls out of… and totally unable to get my vengeance! I try to go back, I get my powers back, but there is really no way back… I have spent too much time with humans now. I have become one of them. I got all those icky feelings"

She shivers in frustration, and shifts position on the bed. Spike offers her another refill from their liquor collection, and she swallows it down in one gulp. "vengeance is not fun any more. It's kind of disgusting, wrong, painful. For me! So then all I want is to be human again. And then that's yucky and painful and bad too, and then I end up not knowing what the heck it is I really want…" She shakes her head again, and sobs. "I just wish things were simple again!"

Spike smiles bitterly, and nods at her. "I know exactly what you mean, love. Simple demon living. The thrill, the excitement, being out there, right in the thick of something, where nothing but fists and fangs matters. The wonderful rush of feelings when you get in a really good blow, hearing the sound of the other's nose fracturing. The exhilarating sight of the 

blood flowing from it, the sweet, delicious scent of it, knowing it will soon be yours to eat… Aww!"

they share a look of perfect understanding, and Anya continues the tale for him. "but then it suddenly isn't that way…" "Damn right!" Spike bows down, and takes a large gulp of booze straight from the bottle. "without really knowing how the hell that happened, I find myself in love with the slayer I'm meant to be killing, and then all I want, all that really matters, is to please, care for and protect her. Whatever project she's into is important. I care if she cares! I want to be good! But no matter what acts of heroism and self deprivation I do, it's bloody well never enough for her! Then I rather try to be her kind of bad boy, but that's a damn difficult line to walk."

He quickly helps himself to another shot of liquor, noticing that their supply is running rapidly shorter. " you know, soulless living has that disadvantage" he adds, in an afterthought. "What's right and what's wrong becomes an incomprehensible bloody mess. Even when managing to keep track of some rules, others just slip away. And I end up hurting her whether I want to or not!" He sigh sorely, shakes his head and lowers it into his hands.

Anya smiles, gives him a sympathetic look, and puts her hand gently on his shoulder. "Buffy really has feelings for you. We all see that. She has forgiven all of that stuff. And, well, you never promised her a rose garden." Spike gives her a long, sore stare, and a sad smile. "No, I didn't." He looks away, stares hazily into space, and when he speaks again, his throat is audibly clogged up with repressed tears. "But I really wish I could. Give her a rose garden. Something that pretty, and peaceful and… alive"

Anya tightens her grip around his shoulder, and grabs his chin with the other hand, forcing him to look at her again. "Garden roses stay pretty for a very short time. Then they fall apart, wither and die. Dead, dried flowers, on the other hand, they stay intact and beautiful forever… And take it from a vengeance demon, who has seen it all: being alive is no impediment to being an ass! All the guys I have done vengeance to were alive before I was through with them."

She gives him another comforting smile, and strokes his cheek. Then she adds, in a tone going steadily hotter "If Buffy wants to date a garden flower, then that's her loss." She moves her hand further up, caressing his forehead, and driving her hand through his hair. Then she slowly moves her head closer and closer. _No. I said no! ... But she's been so sweet and consoling this last while, and she smells really good… and I'm too drunk to care beyond that. _Their faces meet, and lock in a long, wet and liquor-tasting kiss.

It's daytime, almost afternoon, and Spike wakes up, finding Anya next to him in bed. "Oh god! Did we…? "No. you were too drunk, and had problems delivering." They give each other an awkward look, and hurries to put their clothes back on. "either that, or you weren't really trying" "Aahh. What are you going on about?"

she sends him a reproachful look, and snorts. "Well, you haven't really been mister "get the job done" for quite a while, have you? You didn't even care to put up a proper fight for me when I was in danger last night. That demon attacked me… but you just let him go!" "after 

saving your life" _what more do you expect? _"For now. That was one of D'Hoffryns killers, Spike. He won't stop coming till he kills me."

_Arrgh! . _"and yet here you are, walking, talking, annoying…" "But you fought like such a vimpire! With the lifting and running. Why not kill him?" _Ahh_ . _I'd really think you'd get that, after all we talked about tonight. Risky fist fights are old sorts, a demon thing. I'm really not into that any more! The soulful approach to the problem is so much more responsible! Do I even have to explain that? _"Anya, think. I fight, demon boy gets lucky, I get knocked out, you get killed. True?" She looks down, forced to see the logic in his reasoning. "We both know the safest and sanest way of saving your life was to keep you with me, away from danger".

She snorts, turns around, and walks hurriedly out of the room. He turns around and yells sarcastically after her "no need to thank me. I'm just the guy who beat him up!" and finds that it's not Anya standing in front of him any more, but Buffy, bringing Wood for company! _Oh, shit. Where did she come from? That statement did perhaps not sound good for them. _"repelled him, would perhaps have been a better phrase." He and Buffy exchange looks. "Demon", he explains further. She smiles "figured". _Aww. At least there are no cameras in this basement!_


End file.
